A Monthly Publication of Peak Performance Sports
Issue 107 ................................................................................. April 6, 2010
Welcome to Sports Insights Magazine
Welcome to Sports Insights Magazine! Learn practical, cutting-edge sports psychology and mental training tips to improve mental toughness in sports.
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Parents and Coaches: Help Kids Cope with Mistakes! NEW! Help your athletes deal better with setbacks and errors with The Composed Sports Kid! Available Now! Preview Dr. Cohn's new sports psychology program for parents, coaches, and their athletes!
Golfers: Improve Your Golf Confidence for 2010! Dr. Cohn's new CD and workbook program teaches you the top eight lessons to play with mental toughness on the course. Read more about how to improve confidence in golf...
Tennis Players: Boost Confidence for Tournament Tennis! Learn how to boost your tennis confidence with Dr. Cohn's unique 8-week mental training course for tournament tennis players!
Parents and Coaches: Improve Sports Kids' Success with Kids' Sports Psychology! Kids' Sports Psychology is a one-stop, exclusive 10-step plan for boosting confidence and cultivating positive mental game skills in young athletes! Download age-specific confidence-boosting mental game e-books for young athletes. Learn how to boost sports kids' sports success...
FREE MENTAL TOUGHNESS REPORTS!
- Golfers and Instructors: Improve Preshot Routines.
- Baseball and Softball Players and Coaches: Improve At-Bat Routines!
- Tennis Players and Coaches: Improve Between Point Mental Toughness!
- Hockey Players and Coaches: Improve your Pregame Mindset!
- Equestrians and trainers: Improve Rider's Preshow Mindset!
- Parents and Youth Coaches: Boost Kids' Confidence and Success!
Locker Room Talk
"Boosted his self-esteem enormously"
"I really should take time to say thank you very much for your contribution to my son’s sports success - if we had’t found the Kids' Sports Psychology web site I am quite sure that he would not have the collection of trophies that he has - getting them has boosted his self esteem enormously. As an aside, we even use some of the techniques, with great results, for schoolwork too."
~ Jane H. Scarrow, sports parent
Feature Mental Game Article
When Others Are Watching and You Know It
By Patrick J. Cohn, Ph.D.
Do you or your athletes spend too much time worrying about what others think? Nearly everyone wonders what others think of them. We are social beings. But caring too much about what others think comes from the phenomenon called social approval. Social approval is the need to be accepted, respected, or liked by others. In today's society, many athletes engage in "mind reading" when they have a need for peer approval and to gain acceptance from others. But when you (or your athletes) become too concerned about what others think, you can't perform up to your abilities in competition.
Over the last 20 years of working with athletes, coaches and sports parents, I notice this is becoming a big problem for many athletes, junior to professional. These athletes rely too much on what they believe others think about them or their game. Some athletes' self-worth changes with achievement in sports. They often think that if friends, coaches and family members respect or admire their athletic abilities, they’re better people.
I worked with a high school volleyball player who was very concerned with what her parents and her teammates' parents thought about her. She wanted to be seen as the star player. Not a bad goal, but it became a huge distraction for her. She stated that 40% of the time she was competing, she spent wondering how others were evaluating her game. Not only is this a distraction, but it turns into a source of pressure: "others expect me to be the best on the team or carry the team, and if I don't, I'm failing them."
If you focus too much on what others think, you buy in to the ideas that approval and respect points (from others) are earned through sports. (Of course, this belief is not always true.) If you crave approval from others, this can lead to unwanted mental game roadblocks: You might become anxious in competition, worrying about failing, fear embarrassment, and perform tentatively because of the fear of making mistakes.
As a matter of fact, social approval is one of the root causes underlying athletes' fear of failure. One reason you might be afraid to fail is because of the potential for negative backlash by your peers! Keep in mind that most of the time you (or your athletes) engage in “reading the minds” of others and do not really know--in reality--if others are actually judging you. This “mind-reading” is often irrational and not based in reality and can negatively affect confidence.
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______________________________________________________Here's an example of the relationship between confidence and worrying about what others think in an equestrian rider:
"My daughter is 16 years old and has been riding for seven years in equestrian. She struggles with confidence and has throughout her competitions. Before every event, she gets nervous and always worries about what others think about her. What can we do to help her through this and build her confidence? She is a great rider and we know she can do well if she could keep her mind on positive thoughts."
How does this young athlete lose confidence in her riding? She makes assumptions about what others think about her performance. Often, this leads to making false or negative comparisons to others, which can undermine confidence.
“Our child is constantly looking at us up in the stands to see if we approve of his performance. He seems to need constant feedback and reassurance that he's doing a good job. We keep telling him not to look at us and to just concentrate on the game, but he keeps looking over at us to make sure we are pleased with his performance,” says a sports parent.
Here are a few signs that you (or your athletes) might have social approval issues. You:
- Spend too much time thinking about others’ judgments about you.
- You show signs of fear of failure by appearing anxious, scared, tight, or worried because you don't want to let others down.
- You perform tentatively and afraid to make mistakes for fear of embarrassment.
- You are distracted by thinking too much about what others might think about you when performing.
- You display your frustration when making mistakes to convince others that your actually a better athlete than what your performance would suggest.
- You are afraid to disappoint or let down others, especially the people that are helping you succeed in sports.
- You make comparisons to other people, which undermines your confidence.
The answers to the challenges of social approval in sports are not simple or easy.
How can you learn to focus on what's important, rather than mind reading or focusing too much on avoiding failure or embarrassment? I start by asking my students an important question, “Do you participate or compete in sports for yourself or do you compete to gain respect or approval of people around you?”
This is a tough question for some athletes to answer. Many find it difficult to admit that they compete because they yearn for the acceptance or respect of their teammates, parents, coaches, or spectators. If you complete for others instead of for your own goals, it's hard to feel satisfied and have self-respect.
What's the solution if you crave approval from others?
The answer is complex because it's often a reflection of your level of self-respect. But being aware of this issue is a good start. The bottom line: you want to start playing for yourself--your own goals--and not what you think others' expect from you. You want to stop the mind reading by letting go of making assumptions about what others may or may not be thinking about you when you perform.
You must also understand that your sports performance does not define you as a person. You must learn to respect yourself unconditionally no matter how well your perform, which will help you let go of the need to get respect from others.
I have many options to help you with this issue. Personal mental coaching is always the best option, but not affordable for every athlete. That's one reasons I offer teleseminars for my members at peaksports network--my online mental training program.
If you are interested in today's topic, you'll love one class (of 38 mental training classes members enjoy) called: “Everyone is Watching Me! How to Stop Worrying about What Others Think.” I teach you how to stop worrying about what others think to create a stronger mental game and performance. Check out over 38 mental training classes as Peaksports Network today!
Sports Specific Mental Training Tip
"She's trying to make me happy..."
This sports parent has the right idea about playing the present shot only and not worrying about results or mistakes. However, she first has to start playing for herself and not to make her father happy with good play. She needs to let go of expectations she thinks her father has for her and strive for her own goals.
“My daughter said that she wants to play good because she want to make me happy. I reminded her not to think that, just think present shot.”
~ Golf parent
Podcasts of the Month
The Tennis Psychology Podcast of the Month!
In this week’s tennis psychology session, Dr. Cohn teaches you how to play your best when it matters most. Many tennis players tend to under perform in close matches. Listen to this mental game of tennis podcast to learn how to play your best tennis under pressure.
- Show me the Tennis Psychology Podcast of the Month!
- Watch the Tennis Confidence Video series!
- Tennis Players & Coaches: Improve your mental game between points with this free report!
- Subscribe to the Tennis Psychology Podcast at iTunes!
The Golf Psychology Podcast of the Month!
Dr. Patrick Cohn, golf psychology expert and author of the "Golfer's Mental Edge" CD program, teaches amateur to tour professional golfers how to improve their mental game of golf. In this week's golf psychology session, mental game of golf expert and author of The Mental Game of Golf, Dr. Cohn, helps a golfer who wants to shoot under 90 more often.
Pro Athlete Quote of the Month
"Look at every option to improve..."
“I've been a big proponent of sports psychology for a long time. Actually, I know (sports psychology) talks about the things that I do to prepare myself. I think if you're not willing to look at every option to improve, you're leaving yourself short.”
~ Jeff Burton, NASCAR Driver
Ask Doc Cohn
"Coach says my child is playing scared..."
Baseball Player:
"My daughter is a promising 8th grade basketball player (post) that gets reluctant to shoot because she is surrounded by a really great team with superior athletes. She should be a dominant force because she is a big, strong kid and when she plays club ball in the summer away from her school teammates she plays much more confidently. Her school coach is beginning to wonder why she is playing so “scared” this season and it is going to land her on the bench. How do I get her to play more aggressively with her school team and quit deferring to the other players?"
Most Valuable Product (MVP)
The Composed Sports Kid: A 7-Day Plan for Helping Young Athletes Cope with Frustration NEW!
Do you feel sick and tired of or even embarrassed about your athletes' tantrums, crying, and lack of emotional control in competition? Do you scratch your head and wonder why your kids shut down or act like The Incredible Hulk after they make just one mistake that no one notices? The Composed Sports Kid system is really two programs in one--one program to train parents and coaches how to help their kids practice composure, and one program that teaches young athletes--ages 8 to 18--how to improve composure, let go of mistakes quickly, have more self-acceptance, and enjoy sports more!
Read more about The Composed Sports Kid CD program at Peaksports.com
Peaksports Members get 30% off! Not a peaksports member yet? Go demo our Online Mental Training System at Peaksports Network!
Dr. Patrick J. Cohn
Master Mental Game Coach
Boost Your Success with The Confident Athlete Series!
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