When a Parent Does not Support a Career in Sports
by Patrick J. Cohn, Ph.D.

I recently received an email from a young golfer in Europe wanting to pursue a career in tour golf. She was concerned about her father’s view about a career in golf. Specifically, she was upset that her Dad thinking thought she is wasting her time pursuing a career in golf. Here is the exact email I received."I am 24 years old and I have recently decided to play golf professionally.

The only problem is that my dad does not support me at all! He has never played golf, so he cannot understand how I feel about the game. My mom plays a lot, so she is ok with it and supports me. His attitude disturbs me as you may understand and it is hard to concentrate on the game sometimes. He does not think I can reach my goals, but I know that I can for sure! My coach says I am talented and that I can go as far as I want. My goal is to play on the European women’s tour next year and my dad thinks that I am wasting my time and he says so every time we have a conversation. Please help me to make him understand that this is what I want to do. It is impossible to talk to him because we only end up fighting about my dream that I have had for so long. Please help me!"

Dr. Cohn’s Answer:
It is a shame that you father does not support your dream to be a professional golfer and I can see this is really eating at you inside. What is worse is that your father’s attitude toward golf is affecting your attitude on the golf course! Often you can’t change the people around you, but you can change how you react to them. I do not think convincing your Dad to adopt your dream is the correct option for you to adopt. Allow me to explain.

The better option is for you to learn to cope better with how your Dad feels about you playing the game professionally. For example, instead of getting upset and allowing it to disrupt your focus on the golf course, a better option would be to use it as fuel to fire your determination and show him that he is wrong! Part of commitment is going against the grain when you have people that do not think you can succeed. I understand that you desire your Dad’s blessing on your career, but you must follow you heart.

The mark of a truly confident athlete is the ability to hold on to the dream and rise above the nay-sayers. Critics, even your father, may say you are not good enough or talented enough to excel in golf, but it must come down to your beliefs to achieve your goals. Critic’s will tell you what is wrong and your job is to prove them wrong! Young developing athletes often are reminded of how difficult it is to be a pro athlete and are reminded with the statistics on the small percentage of athletes who make it to the top of their sport and how hard it is to be a pro athlete.

Some athletes can ignore the people who say they can’t do it because the critic’s voices don’t match the belief they have in their own abilities. Others use the nay-sayers as a form of motivation. “I’ll show him that he’s wrong about my talents!” According to Soccer Star Michelle Akers, playing in the world cup was a life-long dream she had when she was just a child. She refused to give in to the people around her that said she was crazy for thinking so boldly; she refusing to give in the masses. You know the story…15 years before she played in the world cup, Michelle already knew what no one else thought possible.

Sometimes it is hard for kids to hold onto their dreams in sports when others criticize the boldness of the dream. The people around her thought that her grandiose goal was just the imagination of a 10 year old. However, what others said to belittle her dream did not matter to Michelle. She refused to go to the park and just “play like other girls do.” She had higher aspirations and dreams. She refused to accept what adults and friends told her at that time about what normal girls should do.

I do not think you will be successful with changing your Dad’s beliefs about you playing pro golf in the short run. The best approach is to work on your reaction to your father. Use it as fuel for your motivation to achieve your dreams in golf. Surround yourself with other people who support your goals in golf. When you step on the golf course, put the critics behind you can focus on playing the game one shot at a time! Go for your dreams and never give them up because others say it is not possible!

Want more help with your mental game in golf? Check out Dr. Cohn's Golf Psychology programs.

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